This Is Me Trying
febr. 08 ⎯ No traduït
Living with depression and Bipolar II disorder is like carrying an invisible weight that shifts without warning. Some days it presses down so hard that even breathing feels like effort. Other days, it loosens just enough to remind me what hope feels like, only to tighten again when I least expect it. From the outside, my life can look calm, functional, even productive—but inside, there’s often a quiet storm I’m constantly learning how to navigate. Depression, for me, isn’t just sadness. It’s numbness, exhaustion, and a heavy fog that dulls everything I once cared about. It steals motivation and replaces it with guilt for not being “strong enough” to push through. Simple tasks can feel overwhelming, and rest doesn’t always restore me. It’s a slow, persistent ache that whispers lies about my worth and my future, even when I know better. Bipolar II adds another layer to this struggle. Hypomania doesn’t always look like chaos—it can look like confidence, creativity, and endless ideas. In those moments, I feel lighter, sharper, almost invincible. But there’s a cost. The crash that follows can be brutal, pulling me back into depression and leaving me to clean up the emotional aftermath. Learning where I end and the disorder begins is something I’m still figuring out. What makes this journey harder is how misunderstood it often is. Because I can still show up, smile, or get things done, my pain is easy to dismiss—sometimes even by myself. There’s pressure to minimize it, to be grateful, to “just think positive.” But mental illness doesn’t work that way. It’s not a mindset problem; it’s a daily negotiation between my brain, my body, and my will to keep going. I’m starting this blog as a place to be honest—without pretending I have everything figured out. This is where I’ll share my experiences, my setbacks, my small wins, and the quiet truths that don’t always fit into conversations. If you’re here because you’re struggling too, I hope this space reminds you that you’re not alone. And if nothing else, I hope it proves that even in the middle of the fight, your story is still worth telling. 🤍
